Rules of ‘talking’

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By: Jessica Bello

In today’s age, conventional dating is a thing of the past.  If you want a standard relationship, you have to go through the different stages to get there.  It starts with you texting, then you’re talking, then you’re a thing, and then you’re exclusive.  The “talking” stage is probably the most confusing of all the stages.

Talking is the weird stage in between being just friends and actually liking each other.  It’s the trial and error phase.  You know you both like each other, but you need to get to know each other more before you jump into a relationship.  It’s the stage where you can still get together with other people, but you can’t pursue other relationships.  To navigate through the weirdness of talking, here are five rules to follow.

  1. Don’t try to make him jealous, because it will just piss him off.

It’s easy to get jealous when you are talking to someone, because your feelings could be growing quicker than his, but you have to remember that you are still only talking.  A lot of times, people will start to grow deep feelings and try to act like talking is dating when that’s not the case.

“Talking” is where you get to figure out if you like someone while still having the freedom to do what you want.  So it’s probably not the best idea to make out with his friend because you heard that he was texting another girl.  All it will do is push him away and leave you heartbroken.  If you feel this way, it’s best just to talk to him and let him know that you want to move to the next stage.

  1. Don’t talk to more than one person at once.

Even though talking is the stage where you can still get together with people and do what you want, it’s not good to start talking to more than one person at a time.  While you are talking, you are trying to get to know each other and see if you want to be in a relationship.  If you are talking to five other guys at once, you won’t be able to focus on all of them.

The reason there is so much freedom with talking is that you are trying to see if you still even want to get with other people.  If you are both talking and really like each other, you won’t want to go out and meet other people.

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  1. Don’t freak out if he doesn’t text you back right away.

Let him breathe—don’t suffocate him with texts all day.  You both just acknowledged the fact that you like each other and want to start seeing each other, but let everything run its course.  You don’t want to come off as the clingy type.  He is transitioning from being single to talking to you, and answering one person’s text all day might not be something that he is used to.  Give him space, and let him come to you.

  1. Don’t be pressured into sleeping with him right away.

While talking is the time to get to know each other mentally, it’s also a time to get to know each other physically.  But just because you guys are talking doesn’t mean that you have to sleep with him.  It’s totally OK to wait until you guys are more serious to jump into being physical with each other.

If you find that he has an issue with you wanting to wait, he’s not the guy for you.  If you do find yourself wanting to sleep with him right away, that’s also OK.  Sex can be a big part of a connection with someone, so do whatever you are comfortable with to see if that guy is the one for you.

  1. Just have fun!

Talking should be easy and fun.  Introduce each other to your friends, go out together and just learn more about each other.  The conversation should never run dry.  You want to just be yourself and let everything run its course.  Feelings can’t be forced, so if you both like each other, you’ll know.

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